| Author | Message | ||
| Jim Doss
Senior Member Username: jimdoss Post Number: 1683 Registered: 12-2003 |
Family History In this version of the myth Niobe lost her own childhood, not her children. Fate took her father away in the middle of the great depression, left her mother impoverished, relying on the ragged charity of relatives for beans or collard greens to satisfy six empty bellies that always cried out for more. When kindness ran its course, Niobe, her brothers and sisters were dropped off at the orphanage, where she became mother to a hundred castoffs before she had her first period. Each day there were breakfasts, lunches, and dinners to make, rooms to clean, clothes to darn and pass down, cows to milk, butter to churn, cheese to store and age, corn to shuck for mouths that couldn’t be filled. At night Niobe folded the two cotton dresses she owned into funeral pillows to view the white body of the girl she was when she stepped through the gates. She taught the others to do the same, to worship the day of their dying. They grew up by her side, nourished in the strength of her example, came of age and left to enter an outside world filled with alcoholism, crime, promiscuity, or a twisted righteousness of purpose. Eventually she too left to bear her own children, watch them blossom into adulthood, schooled in the myth of her creation. But their childhoods withered, hardened into diamonds that carved a channel of terrible beauty wherever they traveled waiting for the tears which would not come to fill their emptiness with meaning. Learning to Talk Again is now available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1411625552, or http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1411625552. | ||
| Jim Doss
Senior Member Username: jimdoss Post Number: 1684 Registered: 12-2003 |
Here is a very abreviated version of the Greek myth: NIOBE Amphion and Niobe had seven sons and seven daughters, in the usual version. Niobe was so proud of her fertility that she boasted that she was better than the goddess Leto, who had only two children, Apollo and Artemis. Leto told her children to avenge her, and they killed Niobe's children, Apollo shooting the males and Artemis the females. As for Amphion, he either was killed along with his children, committed suicide, or went mad and attacked Apollo's temple, where the god killed him with an arrow. The grieving Niobe left Thebes and went to her father Tantalos in Asia Minor. Here she prayed to Zeus on Mount Sipylos and was changed to stone, from which her tears flow day and night. Learning to Talk Again is now available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1411625552, or http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1411625552. | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 407 Registered: 01-2005 |
Hard to get happy after that! Seriously though, fine work in this poem. The last three stanzas are killer! bw, Denis www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 2529 Registered: 07-2002 |
Jim, A chilling read and a beautiful one. You have done well here, relating the myth to a more modern family history. Excellent job on the line breaks. especially this one: Eventually she too left to bear And the image of folding the dresses into a funeral pillows--chilling. well done, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Advanced Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2222 Registered: 12-2003 |
Jim, nicely done. I recall that myth from somewhere. Like what you've done with it here. Funeral pillows unique.  K | ||
| Cary
Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 75 Registered: 07-2005 |
Jim... So are you saying that Niobe is the product of Mythology and that this poem is giving her the courtesy of a mortal life? In the event that she is not real, I find the poem a blessing for any immortal since it is they who envy us. Even the hardships of The Great Depression would be bliss for them since they never understood how beautiful life is since they couldn't comprehend the lessons of impermanence. Anyway, the ending is perfect and supports my interpretation even if you didn't mean it that way. Thanks for posting this. Cary... | ||
| Jim Doss
Senior Member Username: jimdoss Post Number: 1687 Registered: 12-2003 |
Denis, I'll write something upbeat soon. :-) Lisa, Thanks for reading. All true, but cast in mythological terms. Kathy, Thanks for reading. Cary, Like the Eurydice poem of a couple of days ago, this is about my mother... cast in a mythological guise.... for the two great tragedies that color her life. Jim (Message edited by jimdoss on July 25, 2005) Learning to Talk Again is now available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1411625552, or http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1411625552. | ||
| M
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 4704 Registered: 11-1998 |
To tie mythology to a modern heroine was quite an undertaking, Jim, but you did it so very well. My only nit was that this reads more like prose. Prose poem? | ||
| M. Kathryn Black
Senior Member Username: kathryn Post Number: 2598 Registered: 09-2002 |
Jim, I thought this was wonderfully written, more of a narrative poem. Gosh, some people's lives are terribly sad aren't they? You did a great job tying this into the myth. Congrats on getting POTW. Best, Kathryn | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1357 Registered: 08-2003 |
I too felt the chill of the funeral pillows--what a dark surprise that was. One small idea is to begin with: Niobe lost her own childhood, not her children. Fate took... Don't really think the first line is necessary. Let us consider whether it's true or not. Reality with a mythical twist. Super read Jim! E | ||
| Christopher T George
Advanced Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 1621 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Jim Strong poem. Well done, Jim. The poem is relentless in its jaded view of life but all works splendidly. Great closing image. This is a keeper. Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ http://christophertgeorge.blogspot.com | ||
| Jim Doss
Senior Member Username: jimdoss Post Number: 1696 Registered: 12-2003 |
M, It is a bit prosy, intentionally. I'll look at it some more. Kathryn, It is a narrative poem. My mother's story, like Euridyce. E, You may be right about the first line. I needed that to get me going, but now that the poems is written it is probably not needed. The title is meant to be taken literally anyway. Chris, Thanks for your thoughts. Jim Learning to Talk Again is now available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1411625552, or http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1411625552. | ||
| Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1121 Registered: 11-2003 |
i really like deuridyce so much, I liked this, too. I think it needs the narrative voice good work jim and congrats laurie | ||
| susan wiener
Valued Member Username: susie Post Number: 130 Registered: 07-2004 |
very well done. |
